Quite A Nice Tight Arse, Stewardess

I love it when Dad's try and get involved in tabloid journalism surrounding their kids.

This taken from today's Herald-Sun who thought it necessary to run a full page biography on the QANTAS flight attendant who has been stood down after allegedly being caught in a "these pretzels are making me thirsty" incident with Ralph Fiennes mid-flight...

Her incredible former life emerged as her father, Graham, broke his silence, describing his daughter as a "good kid" who had done nothing wrong. "Lisa just does her job and if someone wants a cup of coffee and biscuits she blows them in the dunnies looks after them," he said.

Can't you just picture the call Daddy received this morning...

"Gee...Thanks for big noting my career dad, don't you know that I also ensure that tray tables are up and hand luggage is secured in the overhead compartments for landing???"

"But sweetheart, I to=ld them that "She's not a bad looking girl. If you do the right thing people take a liking to you" and that your colleagues were "probably ugly as a hat full of arseholes and were just jealous"."

It took 3 of our nation's finest journalists (Luke McIlveen, Rhett Watson and Matthew Schulz) to compile this life-changing story??? Please allow me to read between the lines of their magnificent prose for you:

• Lisa Cherie Robertson was born in the tiny town of Coolamon, just outside Wagga Wagga, but grew up in Culcairn, near Albury, where her father ran the local butcher shop and her mother worked as an assistant teacher. Here we learn that she can't keep her hands off chops and loves providing "assistance"

• She graduated from high school in 1985 and worked at Pizza Hut and Hungry Jack's before moving to Melbourne to work as a stockbroking messenger. Whoppers, Big Macs and Special Sauce...

• She showed promise as a young constable in Narrandera in southwest NSW and was sent to Sydney in 1990. Anybody with any promise must leave Narrandera and become an Air Hostess

• She was an undercover cop with a talent for putting major drug dealers behind bars so she was only going underthecovers to ensure he wasn't smuggling a HEADset or BARred up

• She married fellow police officer John Duncan in 1993, but the relationship broke down under the pressure of their work and they divorced...presumably cos she couldn't keep her hands out of A-list celebrities pants.

• She worked for about six months as a scuba diving instructor at Great Adventures dive company in Cairns where she learnt circular breathing techniques at varying altitudes

• Just two months before taking to the skies, she was declared bankrupt with debts of $440,000 she may be willing to do anything for money.

I'm so glad that we will all sleep a little bit easier tonight knowing that there is so much more to this story than just a girl giving a moviestar head in the dunnies.